The wife was 34 years old, she informed of an experience which happened at a family gathering some 18 months ago. Her mother and sister had verbally attacked her, acting like two immature girls in a school playground accusing her of being selfish and acting superior to others.
Are there any truths in these accusations? I asked.
“My husband disagrees with them and has refused to visit with me for quite some time now, I also have a couple of good close friends and non of them say I behave in this way”
I asked how long she had been enduring this treatment.
“As long as I can remember” she replied.
As we continued to explore this situation it became apparent that this was indeed a regular behaviour from her mother and sister. She had endured this since early childhood, being Daddy’s girl and up until now her father had protected her and helped to resolve fall outs. Only this time he was silent…And there had been no contact since.
Mother had always been two faced and bitchy. Causing trouble between sisters.
Being told she was selfish when trying to assert her own feelings and needs.
She soon learned how to be passive in order to keep the peace.
As a result of this questioning we realised that client had never really learned how to express herself appropriately and assertively. Recognised traits of her father who always took a passive role when it came to his wife.
How do you feel when this happens?
“I hurt myself – I know this might sound stupid but it makes me feel better – My husband does not understand my need to do this”
What would you do if presented with this case?
Let us all know your thoughts on this subject by submitting a comment in the box below.
Thank you in advance.
Hi Everyone,
In view of the interest in the last guest post Gary invited me to submit another.
This time I wanted to offer something a little different than the previous.
So this will in fact be in 2 parts.
This will become apparent as you continue to read. And as you do so you will notice different ways in which you would work with this hypothetical scenario. Enjoy…
38 year old male contacted me via my web site Dawn Pugh
Part 1
At our initial free consultation I became aware that this guy needed help dealing with his wife and her deliberate sabotage of their 15 year marriage.
He was so consumed by her destructive nature, she enveloped his whole existence.
They had been married for quite some time – they were a childless couple, having experienced difficulties in conception, tried IVF for the allowed subsidized attempts, all to no avail and absolute devastation and total disappointment.
He compared their marriage to a ride on a rollercoaster, up and down; never quite knowing what would be around the next corner. Although having obvious feelings toward his wife he had considered leaving once or twice in the past, he also disclosed an affair some 5 years ago, he described this as –
“Just someone he had once worked with, nothing special”-
On exploration she had eased the grief and loss he had felt with their numerous miscarriages, so helping him come to terms with the endless disappointments.
His wife sadly had self harmed – Something this guy needed help in understanding self harming behaviours.
Slapping her self continuously, trapping fingers in doors until they bled, pulling her own hair resulting in clumps missing from her beautiful natural long blonde hair.
At this point he began to sob…I gave him time to express those tears of worry and frustration…
Once he had collected himself. And in my wise and caring manner suggested that he bring his wife to see me, he said he would talk to her and try to encourage her to attend.
I also added that I would want to spend the session face to face with her alone. We made an appointment for Friday of that week.
She arrived, tall, blonde, and in fact very beautiful. I was pleased she had listened to her distraught husband.
I want you to think about – where the work lies and what you would havedone in this situation.
Let me ask you all to share with us your thoughts and ideas in relation to this first session. Submit all your comments in the box below.
I am listening…
