I was delighted when Gary Graye invited me to do a guest post on the EveryTherapist blog.
My intention was to deliver something quite different; I wanted hopefully to evoke a response.
So I decided to create a fictitious case, one that would get you thinking, willing and eager to share you’re thoughts with the rest of us, depicting the potential ways in which you would work.
I do appreciate that some of you do not work with marriage and family issues but please take your self out of you’re comfort zone and contemplate the how’s, what’s, when’s, where for’s and possible why’s.
The Case
I met this couple for initial assessment, then after working individually for 3 sessions. I gathered the following information:
Let me first introduce the female, 48 years old, slightly over-weight, quite attractive, Good career in fashion, very independent, although she suffered with issues of low self esteem relating to the neglect she received from her husband.
Let me now introduce the male, 53 years old, over weight, not unattractive, socialized frequently without his wife (by choice on both parties) often had been described as a ‘binge drinker’ and the life and soul of the party.
He also suffered with low self esteem relating to an inferiority complex. Often feeling patronized and pre-occupied with thoughts of being an underachiever.
Describing his relationship as not 100% he said,
“Although we tend to get on well, we do not socialize together; she often puts me down in front of people”.
They had been married for 18 years and shared a 17 year old daughter.
Both were in managerial positions with the wife having a very high powered and well paid job. The result of which meant that she was further up the management ladder than her husband.
Often at the beginning of their relationship, debates or discussions concerning her work commitments would become heated. Until eventually this subject was avoided altogether.
Image meant a great deal to both of them, so there was a very big element of pretence about this couples relationship.
They presented to the world that they had a happy and loving marriage. Family and friends were in the dark about there troubles.
The wife disclosed she had had numerous affairs but had no intention of ending the marriage. “We all have needs” she explained.
She admitted she often did speak down to him criticizing his judgments, his opinions, in fact whenever she saw a belt she could not prevent her self hitting below it.
Instead of being truthful about her real feelings and irritations. She vented her anger and disappointments onto him at every opportunity.
The Catalyst…
2 yrs ago their daughter was attending a placement in New York City, something that was extremely important to the daughters pending career.
The arrangement was that Mother was to Chaperone her for 3 days then father was to take over for the remaining 5 days.
Father arrived at the hotel in New York drunk.
Mother was furious, daughter was disappointed. He carried on drinking for the whole of the 5 days.
5 days later Mother collected her daughter and left him in New York. Feeling rejected and ashamed. He was distraught.
Since this episode he had not drank at all, but he had suffered bouts of depression. During this time he made sure he was as helpful as he possibly could be. He took an active role in both his wife and daughter’s life.
He disclosed that he behaved like this to prevent his wife ending their marriage; he felt that his wife would not upset the family unit if she needed his support.
This is when they contacted me…
I want you to think about this case…
Where do you think the work lies?
What does this case mean to you?
How would you work with this couple?
THIS IS A FICTICIOUS CASE AND SHOULD BE USED FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY
Please leave your thoughts as to how you would deal with this situation in the comments box below.
Go on………………. don’t be shy.
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