The wife was 34 years old, she informed of an experience which happened at a family gathering some 18 months ago. Her mother and sister had verbally attacked her, acting like two immature girls in a school playground accusing her of being selfish and acting superior to others.
Are there any truths in these accusations? I asked.
“My husband disagrees with them and has refused to visit with me for quite some time now, I also have a couple of good close friends and non of them say I behave in this way”
I asked how long she had been enduring this treatment.
“As long as I can remember” she replied.
As we continued to explore this situation it became apparent that this was indeed a regular behaviour from her mother and sister. She had endured this since early childhood, being Daddy’s girl and up until now her father had protected her and helped to resolve fall outs. Only this time he was silent…And there had been no contact since.
Mother had always been two faced and bitchy. Causing trouble between sisters.
Being told she was selfish when trying to assert her own feelings and needs.
She soon learned how to be passive in order to keep the peace.
As a result of this questioning we realised that client had never really learned how to express herself appropriately and assertively. Recognised traits of her father who always took a passive role when it came to his wife.
How do you feel when this happens?
“I hurt myself – I know this might sound stupid but it makes me feel better – My husband does not understand my need to do this”
What would you do if presented with this case?
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