Do You Doubt The Value of Self-doubt?

<< “I Don’t Want to Change, I Just Want To Be Happier”: Mixed Messages About Change  Learn the Secrets to Combining Psychology and Astronomy? >>

Do You Doubt The Value of Self-doubt?

What is self-doubt?
We all know the feeling of self-doubt– a lack of faith or confidence in oneself. Synonyms for self-doubt include uncertainty, misgiving, distrust, disbelief, and suspicion. All of these feelings when directed at our self are doubts about our very value, competence and personal power.

So feelings of self-doubt may seem like something negative and depleting to make sure you don’t feel, right? Not so. The feelings of self-doubt can be used to strengthen your sense of inner resourcefulness.

The fundamental and eternal need for self esteem
We all need to feel that who we are inside is worthwhile and valued by others. What gives us this feeling initially is being valued by our early caregivers. We take in that experience of affirmation and that teaches us how to affirm our selves later in life.

Life events can trigger self doubt.
Even if we were given the optimal affirmation by our caretakers, that internal sense of being certain of our adequacy and worthiness can be disrupted by life’s events. Losing a job, asking for a date and being refused, losing retirement savings, auditioning and not getting the part.  All of these events can trigger moments of self-doubt.

Choice point for growing inner resourcefulness
Paradoxically, once we recognize that we are feeling self-doubt, we can learn to use that very self-doubt to strengthen our inner resourcefulness.

How to use moments of self-doubt to strengthen your inner resourcefulness
You can set for yourself an inner directive to make that feeling of self-doubt be a cue to take 6 steps to build your self-trust in your inner strength:

1) Name the feeling as such. Naming gives power. That feeling may just last a few moments and you can just watch that feeling float by, knowing that YOU are not your feelings, YOU are the one who can watch your feelings come and  go. But if you feel yourself digging yourself deeper into the dung piles of self-dissatisfaction, more may be needed. So do the following.

2) Recognize that you have a choice in how you respond to the self-doubt- that alone can remind you of your innate power that is involved in making a choice.

3) Check to see if your expectations of yourself are realistic, or if you need to set new time-lines. It might take longer than a week, or a month, or even longer to find a new job. Having expectations match what happens in life is important for inner peace.

4) Remind yourself that you need self affirmation. We all do.

5) Then actually affirm yourself. Avoid generalized statements such as “I’m great!” Those generalized statements don’t really work for most people. State your affirmation in terms that even your left brain with its need for facts can believe.

For example, tell yourself, “I am persistent, such as when I proposed a new method for student learning and presented it to 5 schools before it was accepted.” Or “I can invent ways to have fun on a low budget, such as when I took the kids for a boat-making party in our bathroom.”

6) Practice taking from every experience-no matter how difficult or unpleasant- something useful, and positive. We can always learn something to be used “next time.” We can always invent a new way to do something. We can always enlist friends and family and share about how we feel, and what we can do, and in the process become even closer.

So are you still a doubter about the value of self-doubt? I doubt it.

Dr. Jane Bolton Psy.D.,MFT

Tagged as: building esteem, children self esteem, esteem activities, self esteem building, self esteem low, self image