11/11/11

by Linda Cooper

11/11/11

Did you know…?

The Great Blue Norther of 11/11/11:

“One-hundred years ago, November 11th, 1911: The Great Blue Norther descended upon America. The day started fine; there were even record highs for that time of year. Then it all changed; temperatures began to drop. Within the space of ten minute: the temperature dropped 40 to 50 degrees; by midnight a 66 degree temperature drop was recorded. There were dust storms, thunderstorms, tornados, and blizzards. Over 300 deaths were reported.”

The Great Blue Norther acquired its name not from the extreme temperature changes, but from the accompanying weather phenomena.
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‘Blackjack’ players love the number 11. It usually means time to double down, but not always.

Dice players love the number 11. On the come-out roll, it’s as good as the number seven. Do not ask the crap dealers how to bet 11 the hard way…

The number 11 is a popular lottery number. This results in the per-person payouts being a little below average when eleven is one of the winning numbers.

The number 11 is a popular keno number. One wonders if the casinos and slot machine manufacturers make use of that fact…
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World War I – known at the time as “The Great War” – officially ended when the Treaty of Versailles was signed on June 28, 1919 – Fighting actually ceased 7 months earlier with an armistice and Germany went into effect on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month.

For that reason, November 11, 1918, is generally regarded as the end of “the war to end all wars.”

It is very likely that Veterans Day will be remembered/observed/celebrated much more than usual on November 11th, 2011.

Most predictions and opinions concerning 11/11/11 are based on or rooted in its mathematical uniqueness as a number.
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11*11*11: There are three possible scenarios:

1. Something good happens— there is absolutely no scientific basis for this belief. There are no known logical premises for this belief. The belief that something good will happen is based solely on spiritualism, faith, and/or innate optimism. This belief is not necessarily a bad thing; we don’t know everything; the probability is not zero.

2. Nothing happens— this is the most likely scenario. Just because an unusual date number sequence occurs doesn’t mean that something extraordinary will happen. Usually it’s a non-event.

3. Something bad happens— there is absolutely no scientific basis for this belief. There are no known logical premises for this belief.

The belief that something bad will happen is based solely on pessimism of reality. This belief is not necessarily false; after all, something somewhere will be happening for someone. The probability is not zero

Let us know what happens to you on 11:11:11

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MMA Children Fighting

by Linda Cooper

‘MMA’ ‘Children Fighting‘

‘What is cage fighting?’ According to wikipedia Cage fighting – ” is a full contact combat sport that allows the use of both striking and grappling techniques, both standing and on the ground, including ‘boxing’, wrestling, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, ‘Muay Thai’, Kick boxing, Karate, Judo and other styles.”

It certainly isn’t a ‘fighting game’ So let me ask you - What would you do if you saw two young boys having a fight? - Would you want to stop it?

Well let me tell you about two young boys’ from the UK. They had an arranged fight. The fight lasted approximately 10 minutes and was part of a packed out ticket-only fight night at the in Preston, Lancashire

One of the boys called ‘Bone Breaker’ stands over the other child who is on the floor of the cage. A man in the front row can be seen urging one of the children to keep his chin up, as another man raises his arms in the air. The smaller child has his arm twisted during the bout.

At one point, one of the children appears to burst into tears, and paramedics are called in to check them. When asked about the crying child, the reply was: “The kid has never been beaten before; he is the one who usually wins.

None of the children are wearing headgear or padding, but the organisers pointed out that they were not allowed to kick or punch each other… Competitions start from the age of five, it is definitely a big up-and-coming sport. It is all based around martial arts. The kids are not getting hit or anything at all when they are under age. We do not let them strike — punch and kick — until the age of 14 or 15.”

Boxing and cage fighting are sometimes defended on the grounds that children learn to work through their aggression with discipline and control.

“The kids were there to fight; they have fought before. The parents were there. Would people rather these kids were out on the streets with guns and knives?”

Council chiefs have ordered the review of the licence of a Lancashire club. The city council will be checking to see whether any licence conditions were breached and will ask the club not to stage similar events involving juveniles.

I don’t know what is more striking; the presence of 250 cheering adults, announcers commentating on the match, or the giant metal cage that has become synonymous with brutal mixed martial art fights.

Would the public be having the same reaction if these two boys were wrestling each other in a school gym or in their family living room?

If you can bring yourself to watch it, here is a short video click here;

Let us know your views.

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Help! I have ‘relationship issues’ – I’ve been caught looking at ‘Porn sites’.

by Linda Cooper

Help! I have ‘relationship issues’ - I’ve been caught looking at ‘Porn sites’.

Firstly are ‘Porn sites’ a cause of ‘relationship issues’ ? Here is some ‘free advice’ which I urge you to read before you reach a ‘relationship breakdown’.

As you can appreciate therapists hear of a lot of stories about people having some kind of ‘relationship issues’.

I bet it comes as no surprise that most of them are often related to sex or the lack of sex, actual infidelity or infidelity of the mind – all proving to cause ‘relationships issues’.

All too often within relationships from time to time partners are left feeling neglected, and needy or they have exceptionally high sex drives, they take the opportunity to relieve themselves by indulging in internet porn, dating, or simply flirting on social media sites.

For the purpose of this article I want to use the word ‘Digital Tissue’; What is a Digital Tissue;   A Digital Tissue is the trace that one leaves on your computer which dictates where you’ve visited.

So how many of you are diligent about your Digital Tissue?

Protect your self and your computer NOW!

Harmless I hear you say – well then a therapist may reply by saying “I suppose it’s down to the perception of your partner”. They may feel rejected, hurt, betrayed, devalued, insecure and basically not good enough. As innocent or as deviant as you may perceive this action to be it can be devastating and very destructive to all kinds of relationships.

So let me ask you again how many of you regularly clean up your digital tissue? making sure that there is no history or cache to incriminate your activity on your computer? Getting rid of any trace of your recent curiosities, urges or fantasies…

Think about it… How to clean up with my Digital Tissue

I wonder whether some of you want to get caught…What purpose does this serve.

Maybe you want the opportunity to discuss your needs and this brings about that initiation. Perhaps you like to live on the edge and the risk of getting caught is exciting? Is sex an act of functionality or is it an intimate experience shared with only those that we love.

Or perhaps it’s just plain carelessness, sloppiness, or even selfishness. The opposite of this would be carefulness, meticulousness and more importantly thoughtfulness.

Many couples choose to share the experience and look at porn together, some accept that it is a natural part of human behaviour, others are mortified.

But, is it naive to consider that you will never look at porn…Probably.

Another myth is not to genderise this behaviour because many many partners of both male and females jeopardise their relationships by leaving a dirty digital tissue.

So what can you do? Clean up with my Digital Tissue

A foolproof method for not getting caught is not to look at porn to begin with! If one is afraid of getting caught then one knows instinctively that there is something wrong with looking! But again this is naive.

For many people sex conjures up lots of taboos. Let me ask you
Is it wrong to look? If it is instilled in you that that this behaviour is wrong, then that will probably lead many of you to want to look…Am I right?

So if you’re serious about NOT getting caught then consider using software that performs optimisation, cleans your history, cache and deletes cookies that are left on your computer just by visiting the site. Cookies can be malicious software that installs itself onto your computer, so only visit reputable porn sites. Typing in www.[random naughty word].com is generally a bad idea. A ‘reputable’ website is one you hear recommended by a fellow internet user [youpornmobile].

It goes without saying that, if you surf porn, you MUST have antivirus protection.
Similarly, a firewall is crucial as well.

There are some browser extensions that hide your tabs immediately and replace them with something else with the click of a button.

Visit porn sites by selecting them from a search engine. This will prevent their addresses from showing up in the search history. (The search will still be indexed in the history entry for search engines like Google).

But most importantly by purchasing a good computer cleaner, one that will optimise your performance (No pun intended) cleans history and cache and protect your privacy.

50 best Google Chrome Plug ins

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‘Kidnapped’ – ‘A Stolen Life’

by Audrey Sussman - Director Anxiety Control Center

‘Kidnapped’ - ‘A Stolen Life’

I recently watched an interview with ABC News. The interview was about ‘Jaycee Dugard’, now 31, she talked calmly of how she was ‘kidnapped’ by a couple and held captive for 18 years.

A pinecone was the last thing Jaycee touched before she was dragged into a car driven by the the evil kidnapper and his WIFE two decades ago. It is “a symbol of hope and new beginnings,” she said. “There is life after something tragic.”

Watch the interview – Let’s get one thing straight

On interview Jaycee was asked how she survived, she replied “There was “a switch” I used it to shut off to survive emotionally”

Jaycee spoke of her true harrowing story in her publication – ‘A Stolen Life’.

“In the summer of 1991 I was a normal kid. I did normal things. I had friends and a mother who loved me. I was just like you. Until the day my life was stolen.

For eighteen years I was a prisoner. I was an object for someone to use and abuse.

For eighteen years I was not allowed to speak my own name. I became a mother and was forced to be a sister. For eighteen years I survived an impossible situation.

On August 26, 2009, I took my name back. My name is Jaycee Lee Dugard. I don’t think of myself as a victim. I survived.

A Stolen Life is my story—in my own words, in my own way, exactly as I remember it.”

Her mother, who was interviewed by Sawyer alongside her daughter, said she – “I think I have enough hate in my heart for the both of us. I hate that he took her life away, I hate that he stole her from me, he ripped out a piece of my heart, and he stole my baby.”
She then looked to her daughter. “He stole your childhood, he stole your adolescence, he stole your high school proms, and pictures and memories.”

Jaycee replied: “But he didn’t get all of me.”

“I think we all can learn from the courageous, resilience displayed by such an exceptional young lady”.

Jaycee’s Foudation web site

In late 2009, Antioch received worldwide media attention following the news of kidnap victim Jaycee Lee Dugard being discovered alive there, and became the focus of several news stories regarding its 122 registered sex offenders…

The LA Times ran a story titled “Sex offenders move to Antioch area ‘ because they can’”, The Independent ran a story titled “How Jessica’s Law turned Antioch into a paedophile ghetto”, and CNN’s Anderson Cooper and Larry King both did similar stories for television; the latter with commentary by TV judge Judy Sheindlin.

However, the Contra Costa Times and affiliated newspapers contradicted their claim: “Disturbing, if true. Only it’s not, according to a Bay Area
News Group analysis of sex offender addresses and census data.” The report concluded that the 94509 zip code ranked only 39th in the state with 1.5 sex offenders per 1000 (k), with Oakland, San Francisco,San Jose, Bethel Island and Vallejo ZIP codes ranked in the top ten. Monte Rio ranked first with 4.5 per 1000.

Source: Wikipedia

Thank you
Dawn Pugh

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Listening Skills

by Dawn Pugh

‘Listening Skills’

‘Light and sound’ are aspects of life that we all generally take for granted. Sounds of the sea, ‘rainforest sounds’, ‘animal sounds‘, ‘bird sounds‘, ‘heart sounds‘ even ‘sound bites‘. If we ‘look and listen‘ we can alter how we interact and improve the way we communicate with the world around us.

We are losing our ‘listening skills‘. We spend roughly 60 % of our communication time listening, but we’re not very good at it. We retain just 25 % of what we hear. This is generally true for the majority of us.

A definition of listening is to make sounds. It’s a mental process, and it’s a process of extraction.
We use some pretty cool techniques to do this. We listen to differences; we discount sounds that remain the same.

Watch this video; 5 ways to listen better

  1. Silence – Allow your self 3 minutes of silence daily.
  2. The mixer – Listen to layers of your environment and try to separate out the different sounds.
  3. Saviour – Enjoy your sounds.
  4. Move your listening positions and scales.
  5. Acronym; RASA  Receive;  Appreciate;  Summerise;  Ask- question

Did you hear when Julian said that when he married his wife, he promised to listen to her as if for the first time forever. Now that’s something he fell short of on a daily basis. But what a great intention to have, don’t you think.

Do you agree that listening needs to be taught in schools as a skill?

If we do so we could take our ability to listen to a place where everybody is consciously listening all at the same time or at least capable of doing so.

Perhaps one of you may want to create a petition for devising listening skills as part of school curriculum’s. Here is a link;  Free petition

Dawn Pugh

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Trust us.

by Dawn Pugh

‘Trust’ us

Here at Everytherapist many of our therapists offer free consultations. We do not do this with intention of getting something back in the future; we do this to build trust.

Trust in relationships is paramount, we pride ourselves on trust within our therapeutic relationships.

Trust can be a risk – a risk that we all need to take at some point of our lives, to feel trusting and trusted is important to human nature.

All too often clients’ motivation for therapy is the unfortunate experience of being let down and disappointed by someone or something.

We hear of horrendous stories where by family, friends, authorities, health care and so on so forth have not lived up to our expectations

Trust is both an emotional and a logical act. Emotionally, it is where you expose your vulnerabilities to others, with a belief that they will not take advantage of your openness. Logically, it is where you have assessed the probabilities of gain and loss, and concluded that the person in question will behave in a predictable manner.

“Please take the time to read this article and allow your self to digest the information, then, if you wish let me know what your thoughts are by submitting a comment in the box below or if you prefer simply click on the facebook share button at the top of the page and help spread the word…Alternatively if you wish to talk with a counsellor then please do not hesitate in contacting one of us. Thank you.”

In practice, trust is a bit of both. I trust you because I have experienced your trustworthiness and because I have faith in human nature.

We feel trust. Emotions associated with trust include safety, relaxation, comfort, agreement and in other relationships can mean companionship, friendship, love etc…

There are a number of different ways we can define trust. Here are some dimensions of trust and consequent definitions.
Predictability

It is a normal part of the human condition to be constantly forecasting ahead. We build internal models of the world based both on our experiences and what others tell us, and then use these to guess what will happen next. This allows us to spot and prepare for threats and also make plans to achieve our longer-term goals.

The greatest unpredictability is at 50%; a reliable enemy can be preferable to an unpredictable friend, as at least we know where we are with them.

Definition 1: Trust means being able to predict what other people will do and what situations will occur. If we can surround ourselves with people we trust, then we can create a safe present and an even better future.

Most of what we do with other people is based around exchange, which is the basis for all businesses as well as simple relationships.
Trust in value exchange occurs when we do not know fully whether what we are receiving is what we expect. When we buy a car, we don’t want to be sold a ringer which the seller knows is faulty. When I get advice in business, I want it to be based on facts, not wild opinions. When I want therapy I want to explore my needs, desires and how may I attain these.

Definition 2: Trust means making an exchange with someone when you do not have full knowledge about them, their intent and the things they are offering to you.

What makes Everytherapist really work is that something is given now. The advantage of this is that we can create a more trusting environment, where you can get some help right now when you need it.

Trust now becomes particularly important.

What is often called the ‘golden rule’ is a simple formula for creating trust;

‘Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’

It sets up the dynamic for us giving you something now, for helping you, that if you decide to have counselling in the future hopefully we have gone some way to entrusting ourselves within you.

So learn about trust, how it works and how to build it.

Source: Changingminds.org

“Please take the time to read this article and allow your self to digest the information, then, if you wish let me know what your thoughts are by submitting a comment in the box below or if you prefer simply click on the facebook share button at the top of the page and help spread the word…Alternatively if you wish to talk with a counsellor then please do not hesitate in contacting one of us. Thank you.”

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5 Things you can learn from Jay-Z Career Plan

by Linda Cooper

5 Things you can learn from Jay-Z Career Plan.
How Jay-Z Went from Street Corner to Corner Office.

Zack O’Malley Greenburg’s book “Empire State of Mind:

If you look at what Jay-Z has done with his career, you might realize that what made him successful is what makes many great leaders successful.

Whether or not you’re a fan of his music you can’t deny that the man has been able to achieve and exceed his goals.

Jay-Z has countless hits, co-founded Rocawear clothing, co-owns a basketball team, and was an executive of two different record labels and Oprah picked his 2010 autobiography to be one of her favorite things, which is about as coveted an endorsement as you can hope for.

5 things you can learn from Jay-Z;

1. Find something your passionate about and make it part of your life
2. Market yourself
3. Know when to move on
4. Be willing to shake things up
5. Manage your private life

Source:   CNN Living

Hope you find this useful?

Linda Cooper

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Unsolved Murders

by Dawn Pugh

‘Unsolved’  ’Murders’.

How does anyone resolve – unsolved murders?

How do people cope with murders and the loss that it creates?

A former New York Police Department detective told ABC News why they think the serial killer in Long Island could be an ex-cop:

The possibility that the killer could be a former law enforcement official or other person with knowledge of law enforcement techniques is being considered based on evidence that the suspect may understand investigators’ procedures.

“The killer could be law enforcement, could be a civil servant, could be a code enforcement person, could be a building inspector, could be a postman…or it could be anyone who knows the area quite well.”

The only evidence to date apart from the bodies is a phone call received by one of the victim’s sisters, she was reported to have heard a “taunting and very angry” voice from someone who said they were the killer.

Source: ABC News

Sex workers in long island are being advised to be extra vigilant. All the bodies of four young women found on a Long Island beach were sex workers who lived in the New York area and had advertised their services on Craigslist.  This is the most recent tragedy of sex workers being victimized, and it is demonstrative of why there needs to be a drastic rethinking of sex work laws.

The assertion that criminalizing sex work “protects” women in any way is illogical; it only drives their work into silence and gags them from reporting crimes. Until a revolution not just in the political and legal environment surrounding sex work but also in the stigmatization of sex work, occurs, sex workers will continue to be victimized and preyed upon. That is truly a crime.

Source: Fiusm.com

Click on this link;   Help to deal with grief caused by homicide

One of the most difficult types of death to cope with is murder. The death is completely sudden and leaves family, friends and communities shattered feeling helpless and not knowing what to do.  Sometimes the person is missing for a time and in this situation often people have two death dates that they remember. The first one is the date the person was found missing and the second when the body was discovered.

Source: GriefSpeaks.com

Dawn Pugh

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Monkey Business

by Dawn Pugh

The Japanese monkey, Macaca fuscata, had been observed in the wild for a period of over 30 years. In 1952, on the island of Koshima, scientists were providing monkeys with sweet potatoes dropped in the sand. The monkey liked the taste of the raw sweet potatoes, but they found the dirt unpleasant.

Then an 18-month-old female named ‘Imo’ found she could solve the problem by washing the potatoes in a nearby stream. She taught this trick to her mother. Her playmates also learned this new way and they taught their mothers too.

Then something startling took place. In the autumn of 1958, a certain number of Koshima monkeys were washing sweet potatoes by that evening almost everyone in the tribe was washing sweet potatoes before eating them.

This new way of eating sweet potatoe traveled near and far and overseas, until eventually there were colonies eating this way

Did this monkey somehow create an ideological breakthrough?

The scientists revealed with their findings that apparently when a certain critical number achieves an awareness, this new awareness may be communicated from mind to mind.

So what can we learn from this story?

Well it seems to me that there are a number of important lessons;

• We can not tell where an important new breakthrough will occur, so it is important that communication is encouraged
• Conversely, even if communication is not encouraged (or even actively discouraged!) it will still occur. There are few secrets in any organisation so think about what is said behind closed doors. If you wouldn’t be happy to express yourself that way in public, perhaps there is a better way to say it (or even NOT say it!)
• Culture changes when there is critical mass behind it. It is important to take advantage of peoples’ natural enthusiasm, inquisitiveness, and energy and let these people lead Change
• People will change when they understand the benefit of it to them.
• It is hard to anticipate the impact of an apparently small change
• You can build on the energy and success of one change to seed the next one.
• Don’t try to over control; allow space for things to happen

Source: ichange

Dawn Pugh Expert therapist

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Uncovering Infatuation as a Seductive Distraction

by Dawn Pugh

Uncovering Infatuation as a Seductive Distraction

Unconditional Positive Regard.

Something that we instinctively value both within healthy relationships and therapy is positive regard, an umbrella term coined by Carl Rogers. Nurturing our growth by being accepting is what Rogers called unconditional positive regard.

An attitude of grace, an attitude that values us even knowing our failings. It is a profound relief to drop our pretenses, confess our worst feelings, and discover that we are still accepted. In a good marriage, a close family, or an intimate friendship, we are free to be spontaneous without fearing the loss of others’ esteem.

It is clear that babies need love and attention. In fact, it may well be that they die without it. They certainly fail to thrive or become all they can be.

Another thing that we value is positive self-regard, which is, self-esteem, self-worth, a positive self-image. We achieve this positive self-regard by experiencing the positive regard others show us over our years of growing up. Without this self-regard, we feel small and helpless, and again we fail to become all that we can be!

Source: Dr. C. George Boeree and David G. Myers

So as therapists we are placed in a position of power. And both therapist and client are vulnerable to potential harm and abuse of this power.

“Please take the time to read this article and allow your self to digest the information, then, if you wish let me know what your thoughts are by submitting a comment in the box below or if you prefer simply click on the facebook share button at the top of the page and help spread the word…Thank you.” [click to continue…]

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