People Who Love too Much
Someone who loves too much is used to negative traits and behaviours, and they will be more comfortable with these than their “opposites” unless they work very hard to change that fact for themselves.
Does the opposite of pain and rejections equate to comfort and commitment? [click to continue…]
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This is the time of year when students receive their A Level and GCSE exam results across the whole of the UK and as you can appreciate a very anxious time for students, parents and guardians
Anticipation as to whether the results that are required are achieved and further education into 6th form or university can be accomplished.
Qualifications seem to open the door of the future and failure seems to close doors in its face – although this may not always be the case. [click to continue…]
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Talking to my Dad (or Mum) makes me very happy so according to new research by a British Household Panel survey children who regularly hold conversations with their fathers tend to be happier than those who do not.
The charity suggested that happiness in later life was dependant on the impact of the relationship with their fathers and mothers at those crucial teenage years.
‘Until adolescence, the mother-daughter relationship is one of general warmth and closeness. Sure, there are the occasional blow-ups, but most resolve themselves with heartfelt apologies from both sides, and lots of hugs. In the younger years, daughters freely profess their love and admiration of their mothers. When I grow up I want to be like you, Mummy.
But during adolescence, when the teenage daughter is faced with the task of differentiating herself, the mother-daughter relationship becomes one of alternating intimacy and hate, both marked with an intensity that only teenagers can bring to a relationship and bring out of their parents.
Teenage sons (when they are with their mums) sometimes let down their guard. For many teenagers, searching for identity initially includes buying into the gender stereotypes, especially for boys. As a result, in front of peers they play the male role, staying tough and in charge on the outside, but away from peers, especially when with their mums, they drop their guard.
Fathers and sons intuitively understand the need for independence and identity through a respect of the basic rights of individuals. For sons, this respect is created through accomplishment in a chosen area: academics, social, sports, drama, church. And fathers allow them the space for this and offer their support, too. But seldom is this support addressed directly. The quintessential father-son relationship is played out side by side, engaged in activity.
A great deal about the father-son relationship is implicit, especially during adolescence. The danger here, though, is that boys miss out on their dads just when they need them, when they struggle with what it is to be male. That is, out of respect for independence, fathers can erroneously give their sons too much room.
In all parent-child relationships, the level of engagement and trust, at least as reported by children and teenagers, diminishes by about the same amount across the board when children become teenagers, except, that is, for fathers and daughters. This relationship experiences a greater drop in closeness than all the others.
Stop and consider the players involved and this only makes sense. Fathers are most at home with the dynamics of independence, autonomy, and justice, which means these are the filters through which they interpret most behavior. Thus, when their teenage daughters push them away—as they need to do to assert their autonomy—they take this literally and personally, which leads them to back off. Fathers, through their orientation towards accomplishment and independence, believe they are giving their daughters the space that they are demanding. Their daughters, however, feel that their fathers abandon them when they need them most.’
Source: FamilyEducation.com
Let me know if this was useful?
Dawn Pugh therapy expert.
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The Psychosexual Counsellors offer a confidential service for anyone with sexual problems irrespective of martial status, sexual orientation and difficulties experienced.
Psychosexual therapy addresses aspects of sexual dysfunction in both men and women relating to sexual interest, arousal, orgasm, performance and ‘psychological’ attitudes to sex.
A common misconception is that Psychosexual Therapy is mainly about the act of sex or the lack of sexual interest or ability. Let me convey that Psychosexual counselling is offered for a range of disorders such as: general sexual problems, sexual health concerns, sexual phobias and sexual orientation difficulties.
This kind of therapy is also beneficial to those who have difficulty maintaining or forming intimate relationships either because they struggle with certain aspects; love, trust, communication, co-dependency, others include rape victims, survivors of childhood sexual abuse, pre and post abortions.
A commonly held belief is that “people just got on with it” and somehow managed quite well without any help for their sexual difficulty. This assumption is far from true.
Sexual problems left untreated, like any other disorder, have far reaching consequences. The social costs in marital breakdown, infertility and offending behaviour is well known. These factors in turn escalate health costs and human suffering from the resultant mental health problems such as low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, insomnia etc.
If the patient’s source problem is one of sexual difficulty then these complications will continue to persist. It is therefore the source problem that requires treatment. People’s shyness in revealing sexual difficulties could lead to the belief that sexual disorder is transitory and uncommon.
Let me know if this was helpful?
Linda Cooper.
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A recent American Study showed that 14% of men and 11 % of women have at least some experience of sadomasochism and revealed there is a much higher rate involving – Bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism – BDSM.
The majority of people experience a confident and healthy sexuality and often kinkiness is seen as a ‘fun’ part of sexual behaviours. Reportedly and within reason their is no right or wrong when taking part in consensual sexual activities between adults, the bench mark is either ‘do’s’ or ‘don’ts’.
Did you know that sexual sadism or sexual masochism is deemed as deviant and pathological in diagnosis and is currently listed in the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) – Classified in the section along side homosexuality, rape and child abuse – stating that it is indeed, in need of explanation, treatment and cure. [click to continue…]
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According to Theasaurus.com – ‘To pay homage’ means to pay tribute, proclaim, rave over, recommend, resound, sing the praises, worship etc…
A shrine is a building or a place that is dedicated to one particular type of devotion that is limited to commemorating an event or a person. What makes it a shrine is its limited purpose and use. … [click to continue…]
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The ‘heart’ of giving something back;
Philanthropy Vs Pleasure
Martin Seligman divided up his psychology students so that one group engaged in pleasurable activities like going to the movies, eating yummy ice cream and the other group did philanthropic activities volunteering at a soup kitchen, reading to the blind.
Apparently the happiness that was felt during and after the fun or pleasurable activities was nothing compared to the lasting happiness of doing altruistic or philanthropic acts.
My conclusion is that doing good for others will make you feel good and, according to Seligman, you will reach the highest level of feel-good ratio.
Altruism raises your mood because it raises your self- esteem, which increases happiness. Plus giving to others gets you outside of yourself and distracts you from your own problems.
Martin Seligman says there are 3 paths to happiness:
1. the pleasant life
2. the good life
3. the meaningful life
“The pleasant life” is basic moment-to-moment contentment–doing simple things like downing martinis or playing computer games. But eventually, you’ll get bored and want more.
“The good life” comes through “engagement”: spending time with friends and family or getting involved with a rewarding work project. This is a step-up on the happiness food chain.
But the biggest feelings of happiness come from leading “a meaningful life”– using personal strengths to serve some larger end.
Since 2000 Dr. Seligman main mission has been the promotion of the field of Positive Psychology. This discipline includes the study of positive emotion, positive character traits, and positive institutions. As the science behind these becomes more firmly grounded, Dr. Seligman is now turning his attention to training Positive Psychologists, individuals whose practice will make the world a ‘happier place’, in a way that parallels clinical psychologists having made the world a less ‘unhappy place’.
Let me know what you’re thinking…
Dawn Pugh expert therapist
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‘Unemployment’ and the ‘New Depression’
Unemployment occurs when a person is able and willing to work but currently without work. The prevalence of unemployment is usually measured using the unemployment rate, which is defined as the percentage of those in the labor force who are unemployed.
Source: Wikipedia
Click here to see Unemployment statistics.
The causes of unemployment are often disputed.
There is also disagreement on how exactly to measure unemployment. Different countries experience different levels of unemployment; traditionally, the United States tends to experience lower unemployment levels than countries in the European Union, although there is some variation there, with countries like the UK and Denmark out-performing Italy and France and it also changes over time (e.g. the Great Depression) throughout economic cycles.
Consequences of Unemployment;
Unemployment has obvious and well-documented links to economic and mental health depression and has also been connected in some discussion to higher crime rates especially among the young. Suicide and homicide broaden the consequences of unemployment, relating it to increases in the incidences of alcoholism, child abuse, family breakdown, psychiatric hospitalization, and a variety of physical complaints and illnesses.
Here are a number of potential solutions to the unemployment problem; work sharing, early retirement, and reduced migration have all been discussed.
Dawn Pugh therapy expert.
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Apparently antidepressant medication is on the increase due to the economic recession.
According to the recent research found in the New York times, doctors and psychiatrists are prescribing more antidepressant medication than they did in 2008 -
This increase is thought to be partly due to a reduced stigma in relation to mental health and increased anxiety and worry around employment and finances.
Some say that this is a ticking time bomb, people are prescribed medication because there is little or no support and the facility to access talking therapies like counselling, psychotherapy or Cognitive therapy are few and far between.
What are your views on this?
We are listening and we are interested…
Dawn Pugh Therapy expert.
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I think we are all aware that at some point in the very near future, the troops that have been on the front-line in Afghanistan will return.
Veterans suffering from PTSD symptoms, anxiety, depression and massive life adjustments will all be accessing our mental health services.
Can we deliver?
Mental health services are all getting ready for this influx and practitioners are acquiring specific training in effective and successful techniques to combat these issues.
I recently attended a PTSD training conference…during this conference I became aware of this;
(quite obvious in hindsight)
‘…that most veterans will receive an army compensation or pension…to receive this funding one will probably need to be suffering from an occupational illness/disability, in other words suffering as a result of “Causation” and the amount or duration of funding will be determined by ‘prognosis’.
As an effective practitioner and one who is proud of her success rate, I began to ponder this very thought…
Eventually I came to a probable conclusion that quite frankly, it will not be in the veterans best financial interests to improve their condition whatsoever.
So where does this leave us and our statistics of improvement?
Let me know your thoughts on this sensitive issue.
Dawn Pugh expert therapist
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